


Stupid Cupid

by Phayte



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Banana Fish Valentine Exchange, Conflict Resolution, Crack, Face Slapping, Half crack / Half serious, Ignores Shorter and Ash Dying- They both alive and well, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 08:19:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17783879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phayte/pseuds/Phayte
Summary: Drunken Cupid... Fighting boys... What could go wrong?





	Stupid Cupid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twoheartsx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoheartsx/gifts).



> twoheartsx -- I really dont even know anymore with this piece! ha ha ha! But Happy Valentines Day! Like I said... this is kinda cracky... and kinda not! ((shrug)) I promise I was sober when this idea came to me! (thank you for answering my ask too) xDDDD Enjoy!!!!!

“Oi!” Cupid yelled out, falling over on his side. “You have no room to talk, Santa! You work  _ one day a year! _ ”

“Yeah! Not all of us have cushy _one night a year_ little jobs!” the Tooth Fairy chiming in, a cigarette dangling off her bottom lip.

“Listen!” the Easter Bunny yelled out, slamming his basket on the table. “Are we playing another game or not?”

“Only after another round of shots!” Saint Patrick proclaimed. The Lady of the Lake started to deal the cards as they all gathered around.

Everyone cheered and grabbed for their drinks. Cupid knew with Father Time there, he would sure make it to work early the next day.

Valentines was his biggest day of the year-- and he probably should not have been drinking with everyone, but they wanted to celebrate an early Spring coming as Punxsutawney Phil predicted-- only pleasing Mother Nature all the more.

One card game led to another, more shots passed around-- and the last thing Cupid remembered was being stripped to his diaper alongside Baby New Year as the Great Pumpkin took his last card. He had lost miserably-- but hey! You win some, you lose some!

 

* * *

 

“And just why are we going to Central Park?” Eiji asked, skipping alongside Ash. Not that he minded, though it had just rained and the park smelled extra moldy today. 

“Neutral grounds,” Ash explained, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

Ash was thrilled that after his stabbing, he woke up to find that Eiji and Shorter were by his side, holding his hand. The problem was he needed to get together with Yut Lang on neutral grounds and stop this bullshit temper tantrum he continued to insist on throwing.

The air was cold, though the day was clear. Taking fast strides, they made their way through the park to an open area. A smile grew on Ash’s face as he saw Shorter and Max waving over a them.

“Shorter!” Eiji called out, taking off running as Ash just shook his head. He had to stop for a moment and just watch how easily Shorter caught Eiji in mid flight leaping into his arms. They had all been through so much-- he just wanted simpler times for them.

“Ah, and you brought your pet I see,” Yut Lang said.

Closing his eyes, Ash turned to see the bitch face of Yut Lang glaring at him-- Sing by his side.

“Can you not open your mouth and spew out garbage… every single time?” Ash asked before making his way over to where the group stood.

 

* * *

 

Hiccuping and throwing up, Cupid felt his head exploding ten times over. What the hell had Medusa brought them to drink last night? That was no normal whiskey! Groaning, Cupid opened his eyes and saw a mess all around the great room they were in. Somehow he kept his diaper in tact-- but his bow and arrow were nowhere to be found. 

_ Just fucking great! _

Standing up, Cupid felt his legs wobble a bit as he stumbled around all the bodies laid out. He needed that damn arrow do his job! What time was it anyway? Where the hell was Father Time?

“You are late,” Father Time mumbled before his head falling back down onto the floor-- next to a bottle of whatever spirits they had drank the night before.

In a frantic now, Cupid was climbing over reindeer trying to find his damn arrow! Tripping over the ice Jack Frost had laid out, Cupid felt his bow knock him on his aching head. “Just great,” he groaned while rubbing the massive bump forming on his skull.

Crawling around, he crawled over a few more idols as he thought he saw a red heart peeking up over a thick fur coat. Making his way over where Snegurochka was, he found her clutching his arrow tight to her chest. 

Now he could get to work.

 

* * *

 

“You have to stop being such a bitch!” Sing hissed out. 

“Watch your tongue!” Yut Lang hissed back. It was only then that Sing was sticking out his tongue as his eyes crossed staring at Yut Lang. Groaning, Yut Lang pinched the bridge of his nose, not believing this was the hell his life was now. If only Blanca had stayed, he would not be stuck dealing with this pint sized twerp all the damn time.

Maybe he could get someone to kill Sing? As that thought came to kind, Sing stomped his foot and growled at him. 

“Stop it! I know what you are thinking!” Sing exclaimed. 

“What? How I’m plotting to have you murdered?” Yut Lang asked. 

“Yes!” Sing screeched. “That is so rude!”

“Life would be easier if you just let me hire someone to murder you,” Yut Lang explained, waving his hand all dramatically around him. 

“Don’t have the balls to do it yourself?” Sing asked, crossing his arms and glaring up at him.

“Oh sweetheart,” Yut Lang said, running a finger down Sing’s cheek then patting the side of his face. “You just keep thinking about my balls, ok?”

Sing got a disgusted look on his face that only made Yut Lang ring out in laughter.

 

* * *

 

Where was his tunic? Cupid  _ knew _ he came to this shindig with one on! He was thankful he found his bow and arrow-- but he really did not want to fly around all day in just a damn diaper! Ugh! Why was his life so terrible? 

Why did he feel like he would hurl the minute he took flight in the air? 

Shaky legs moving him through the mass of passed out beings on the floor, Cupid accidentally kicked a leprechaun and had to quietly apologize as the poor guy went flying through the air-- luckily landing on the soft belly of Bigfoot who was cuddling up to Nessie. Cupid shivered at that thought alone. 

It was now or never-- tunic or no tunic. 

 

* * *

 

“This ends now,” Ash said, putting one arm around Eiji and another Shorter as he glared over at Yut Lang. 

“Since when does what I do revolve around your wants and demands?” Yut Lang asked, crossing his arms as he stood his ground-- giving Ash the same glare he was receiving.

“It’s over and it’s been over,” Ash growled. “I will not continue to look over my shoulder thinking one of your two cent thugs is out to get us!”

Yut Lang rolled his eyes. Ash was always so damn dramatic. “You’d know if they were my men.”

“Other than the fact they told us?” Shorter asked, stepping in front of Ash and Eiji, protectively holding his arm out to keep those two back. Giving Sing a damning glare, Shorter was still surprised that Sing was at Yut Lang’s side. He knew one word and Sing would race across this battle line. 

“You’re the only one that is fighting this battle,” Ash said, grabbing Shorter’s arm so he could take one step up. “It is over, it has been over.”

Squinting his eyes, Yut Lang did not believe this. He knew it was never over, it would never end. Not as long as Eiji was still alive, and he saw him alive  _ and _ breathing standing there. 

“He makes you weak,” Yut Lang said, turning his gaze to Eiji. 

“He makes us stronger, in ways you’ll never understand,” Shorter exclaimed. 

“Oh! He has you under his spell now, too?” Yut Lang asked. 

“Seriously, let’s get out of here… this is so lame,” Sing grumbled. 

Turning towards Sing, Yut Lang gasped. “If you want to run over there to your precious friends, then be my guest!”

Sing had no idea  _ why _ he still stood next to Yut Lang. He was caught in the dead center of this, and he saw his friends all looking his direction, questioning him. 

“I um… well…” Sing stammered. 

“You don’t have to explain to us!” Shorter said. “Only a coward makes you explain your friendships!” 

Yut Lang growled, he was ready to take them all down. 

 

* * *

 

It was colder than he liked it to be. At least Cupid was able to mask himself as he stumbled around the city-- shooting his arrow at couples. 

Squinting his eyes, he looked for people auras. Usually he could tell when people were falling for one another by the color of their aura. His arrow was just a little  _ push _ in the right direction. He was under strict oath not to shoot enemies-- as the Cupid before him played a sick and twist game with these powers.

He was about love and happiness-- even drunk, stumbling and falling over. Passing by a food truck, the smells so thick and rich, making his mouth water as Cupid ran towards a trash can-- dry heaving. 

Maybe it was safer in the park. It only smelled like moldy death after the rain there. 

 

* * *

 

“Well yanno what?” Sing hissed at Yut Lang, “Maybe I  _ will _ walk over to them and be friendly!” 

“What the hell does that even mean?” Yut Lang asked. 

“I’m tired of how you treat me!” Sing growled. 

“Well I’m tired of having to look down at your scrawny ass!” Yut Lang squealed. 

“So you are looking at my ass now?” Sing asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Now who is being the bitch?” Yut Lang spit. 

“Learned from the best!” Sing yelled. 

Yut Lang reared back and slapped Sing across the cheek. The slap echoed around the park and Sing glared up at him. “I hate you!” he spit out. 

“Join the club!” Yut Lang yelled, slapping him again. At least both cheeks would be red now. 

 

* * *

 

Cupid’s head hurt so badly still, and there were people screaming in the park. Who would be screaming on Valentine’s Day? Walking along the pathway, Cupid saw the open field where a group stood. 

The two arguing really confused Cupid. He saw their auras. They were shining bright for one another, but the taller man kept slapping the smaller man as they continued to yell. This made no sense at all. 

This was not how people in love acted. 

Now the trio standing together near the arguing couple-- he saw their love. It was bright and their gestures showed it. 

“Ah yes,” Cupid mumbled. He had sent them an arrow back a couple months ago. He got sick of their tiptoeing around their emotions. It was cute to watch… for awhile. Then it got awkward and dammit-- sometimes boys just needed a little push. 

Reaching back, Cupid grabbed his arrow and set it to shoot. He had to squint as his eyes were not focusing well. He had been missing half his shots all morning as it was-- but these two… they needed the push.

 

* * *

 

“What the hell is going on?” Max asked as he walked over to the trio. 

“We are confused as you are,” Ash answered. All four of them stood there, their mouths slightly open as they watched Sing and Yut Lang continue to argue and slap one another. They expected Yut Lang slapping Sing-- but when Sing reared back and slapped back. The scream from Yut Lang could be heard all around the park.

“Should we go maybe… stop them?” Shorter asked, but Eiji wrapped his arm around Shorter’s arm, keeping him close by. 

“This just makes no sense!” Max said, scratching his head. “Yanno… maybe if we walk away, they won’t even notice.”

“Yeah, but then nothing has been resolved,” Ash pointed out. Which was true. Ash needed to keep Yut Lang’s two cent thugs off of them. He wasn’t worried about them, they were just a serious annoyance-- plus one day it might get serious. 

 

* * *

 

Dammit! He had missed. Cupid went to find his arrow. It was stuck in the ass of some stranger who was now confessing his love to a stranger that had walked by.

Oh he was going to be in so much trouble! That couple didn’t have an aura around them but now they were holding hands and making life long plans. 

His magic was always strong on Valentine’s Day. He had to remember this. 

Turning back where the two still argued, he saw their aura’s light up brighter with each slap of the face. 

This was so wrong. They were idiots who couldn’t see their own emotions. 

Rearing back his arrow, Cupid fell over right before letting go.

 

* * *

 

“I hate how you treat me!” Sing screamed, slapping Yut Lang’s beautiful face.

“I hate how damn short you are!” Yut Lang squealed back. 

Both their voices had gone up high in octave. Sing could feel the burn in his face with each slap Yut Lang gave him. He refused to back down. It was time this spoiled brat learned his damn lesson. Glaring up at Yut Lang and the way his hair hung right over his shoulder-- Sing just wanted him to  _ shut the hell up! _

Grabbing Yut Lang’s hair, Sing pulled him down and pressed his lips’s to Yut Lang’s. A gasp and Yut Lang was jumping back and yelping-- a hand over his mouth.

“What the hell?!” Yut Lang screamed. 

“Shut you up, didn’t it?” Sing said. 

Not to be out done, Yut Lang stepped back forward, slapped Sing again-- then his hand was moving behind Sing’s head as Yut Lang bent down, kissing him. 

Both of their cheeks burned as did this kiss. 

 

* * *

 

Cupid groaned as he fell on his hip really hard that time. Adjusting the damn cloth diaper, he needed to go find some water and hope to sober up better. 

He also had to find his arrow. Where the hell had it gone this time? Looking around, he saw it stuck in a tree. 

This was only getting worse. 

But he saw the two with bright auras had stopped their arguing and were now… kissing?

Looking at his bow, staring at the tree holding his arrow, Cupid shook his head. 

Maybe they didn’t need his help.

 

* * *

 

“What the ever loving fuck?” Max asked. 

“We have no idea,” Ash said. All of them stood there-- in shock watching as Sing and Yut Lang continued to kiss. It was getting heated and they almost wanted to tell them to go get a room. It was when Sing pressed against Yut Lang, making him fall back onto the wet grass that had him laughing, but still holding Sing tightly to him. 

“This is the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen,” Shorter said, grabbing both Eiji and Ash, kissing their cheeks. 

“So…” Eiji trailed off. They were all in a state of disbelief. 

“All is fine!” Yut Lang giggled out to them as Sing was kissing his neck. 

“You’ll leave us be?” Ash asked, though he was still confused and… highly disturbed by what was going on. 

“Yes he will! I’ll make sure of it!” Sing yelled back, waving them off. 

“I’m… going to go Jessica some roses,” Max said before clapping Ash’s shoulder with his hand and just leaving. 

“Um… yeah,” Ash said, turning and looking over at his shoulder to whatever the hell was going on. Sing and Yut Lang were back kissing-- ignoring the world around them. “Let’s go.”

Shaking his head, Ash knew he would never get that vision burning into his memory out. At least he had his loved ones with him, and that was all he could ask for. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are what keep me going!!! Leave me some love!  
> I can be found in different platforms!  
> [Twitter - Phayte](https://twitter.com/PhaytesWorld) **|** [Tumblr - Phaytesworld](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/phaytesworld)
> 
> XOXOX  
> Phayte


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